


No Such Thing As Accident

by mahoni



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Action/Adventure, Aliens Made Them Do It, Dubious Consent, Friendship, M/M, Romance, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-30
Updated: 2008-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-03 07:44:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahoni/pseuds/mahoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aliens, alien technology, alien sex drugs: two galaxies have it in for John and Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Such Thing As Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Please see the note at the end for a warning not covered by the options provided by the archive.

Aliens made them do it

 

John preferred to think of his and the rest of the Atlantis expedition's relocation back to Earth as a temporary situation, but the SGC wasn't going to just let him sit around while General O'Neill and Woolsey tried to broker a deal with Helia. So while Landry worked on reallocating resources to build John an SG team, he got to tag along with SG1 on a mission to a village being wooed by the Ori.

"This is interplanetary diplomacy in the Milky Way, huh?" John said.

Daniel Jackson rubbed the back of his head self-consciously and peered at the crowd around them. "Um. Sometimes?"

John nodded. "I have to say, I'm jealous. We're --" He faltered, forcibly readjusted his mental framework, and soldiered on. "I mean. It seemed like we were always more likely to have people demand weapons or blood or something like that to demonstrate our goodwill than...well. This."

Somewhere behind him Colonel Mitchell was making out with the local high priestess, a sacrifice he was more than willing to make once they discovered that the villagers wouldn't give them the time of day otherwise. A few feet away Teal'c was kissing Colonel Carter. The kiss was delicate and weirdly chaste and they were doing it without otherwise touching each other. It was incongruously, spectacularly hot, so John was doing his best to ignore them.

One of the villagers popped up behind Daniel and tossed a handful of flower petals over the two of them.

"Come now! Yes! Show us your love!" he warbled. He gave Daniel a shove and John suddenly found himself with an armful of archaeologist.

He froze, holding very still while Daniel got his feet back under him and pushed off.

And it wasn't that there was no attraction there -- Daniel was a nice-looking guy, and if the feel John had just accidentally copped was anything to go by, he'd look fantastic without his clothes on.

But. However.

"I'm thinking you're wishing Dr. Lam had cleared Vala for duty right about now," John said, mostly just to say something, to put off the inevitable. And also because _he_ was wishing Vala was here rather than being laid up with a nasty case of the chicken pox. Vala was sexy as hell, firstly; and secondly? _Not Daniel freaking Jackson._ The guy who had figured out Stargates, the guy who'd died and undied half a dozen times at least, the guy who was General Jack O'Neill's best friend ever. Etcetera.

The guy who had just clapped his hands over his face and was groaning miserably. "Oh god, no, I do not wish Vala was here instead."

He dropped his hands, and John's expression must have been fairly transparent, because Daniel scowled.

"Look, you don't know Vala. You don't know the way she is, particularly in regards me, and, just, no. If she was here and I had to kiss _her_, chasing her out of my bed would be completely impossible from now until forever."

John just stared at him as he ran that last bit of detail back through his mind, looking for the logic. He couldn't find it. He was about to ask for clarification but another villager, this one carrying wreaths of flowers instead of just petals, wandered up. She was smiling too, but there was an edge to the smile, wariness in her eyes. John saw Daniel notice it, too.

"Oh, hi," Daniel said. "We were just --"

"No, you were not," she said accusingly. She gestured to the rest of SG1, and to the villagers who were wandering from clinch to clinch among themselves as well. "I see love all around you, but none here. Why?" Her expression hardened. "Maybe you're not capable after all. Maybe you were lying and you are indeed as lacking soul as the Priors of the Ori."

Daniel dropped his head and muttered darkly under his breath, so John said,

"You know what, it's just, it's complicated, okay? The thing is, Doctor Jackson and I barely know --"

"Okay," Daniel said.

" -- each other -- what?"

But Daniel was forcing a smile at the girl.

"You want proof we're not like the Ori? Fine. Here's your proof."

He hooked a hand around John's neck, pulled him in, and kissed him thoroughly.

At some point the girl laughed and burbled something disgustingly perky, and draped a wreath of flowers over John and Daniel's heads. John barely noticed, though. It was a hell of a kiss.

*

Alien technology made them do it

 

The room shuddered and the sound of another explosion from the volcano rolled over the facility, muffled by distance and the facility's shields.

"You are not serious," John said.

Daniel gestured at the little Ancient-inscribed plaque on the pedestal, made a strangled sound, and shrugged helplessly.

John spun on his heel and stalked back to the door. He flapped his hand in front of the door crystal, but the door remained tightly shut, locking he and Daniel in and the rest of John's team out. He opened a comm channel.

"Ronon," he said. "Try shooting the door again."

"I already --"

"I don't care, try again."

The frustration and helplessness in Ronon's voice came over the comm in an angry snarl. "It didn't even make a dent, and my gun's pretty much out of juice."

John gritted his teeth. "Okay, then. Rodney. Tell me you're making some headway."

Rodney hesitated just long enough to offer John a glimmer of hope, but then sighed expressively. "I'd love to, but like I said, there's an organic component to this that I've never seen in Ancient technology. I haven't even figured out if I'm looking at the opening mechanism or the illumination circuit yet."

"So," Daniel said behind him. "Am I repulsive somehow? Because I clearly remember the last time we ... skirted this issue, and I remember that you really _weren't_ repulsed."

John could feel himself flushing. He turned and tried to look Daniel in the eye; failed completely.

"No, you're not -- that's not what I -- look, that was entirely different. That was just kissing."

He was examining a spot somewhere to the left of Daniel's head, but he could tell Daniel was staring him down. He shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, and then cracked.

"Okay, yes, you're right, I definitely was not repulsed by it." John didn't exactly flash back to the kiss. Not mentally, anyway; other parts of him started remembering though. He flushed harder. "But again, that was just a kiss. This is --"

"Kiss?" Rodney stuttered suddenly in John's earpiece. "Wait wait, did you say _kiss_?"

"John," Teyla said. "You do realize the comm is still open?"

John closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. "Thank you, Teyla. I didn't. Obviously. If you guys will excuse us for a moment." He keyed off the comm, interrupting Rodney's protest, and looked at Daniel finally.

"Of all the places you could have found on this visit to Atlantis, you had to find an Ancient sex therapy facility?"

"I have a knack." Daniel was fighting not to grin. He was _amused_ by all of this. The bastard.

"Oh, for --" John scrubbed a hand down his face. "We're possibly going to die here if we don't _have sex_, and maybe even if we do. It's not funny!"

"It really kind of is."

"...okay, yeah, it is. But still."

The worst part of it was, impending doom notwithstanding John was actually starting to come to terms with what was about to happen. He'd actually thought about this once or twice since that kiss back on the free love planet. Not this exactly, obviously, but the part where he and Daniel could possibly do a little more than kissing? Oh yeah. That had crossed his mind. Once or twice. Even with tremors from the erupting volcano shaking the ground and the lights flickering and his team standing right outside the door, John could not deny that he didn't object in principal to what Daniel was proposing.

The circumstances really sucked, though.

Daniel sighed. "Look, this is admittedly a little...weird. And very, very awkward. But this place is going to lose shields in a little under forty-five minutes and be swallowed up by several tons of molten lava. And our options are limited."

It was true. John hated to admit it, but it was true.

"Who," he said weakly. "_Who_ builds a room you can only get out of by having sex? And for that matter, _how_?"

"Oh," Daniel said. He really seemed to think about it. "That could be where the organic component comes in. Something that responds to the release of a certain pheromone, maybe?"

John gritted his teeth. "I don't actually care, Jackson, I'm just in denial for god's sake." He smacked his comm on and said, a little desperately,

"Any luck, Rodney?"

"No. No. No, no luck, no nothing, because this technology makes _no sense _\--"

Rodney was starting to hyperventilate, and John suddenly felt kind of bad for holding back on a solution to the problem.

"Okay, okay, look, Jackson found something in here, and I think we can use it to get out." Rodney tried to jump in with questions, but John really didn't want to go there so he kept talking. "The three of you, get back to the 'gate, go on through. We'll be right behind you. Give us, uh --"

He glanced at Daniel, who finally flushed a little too.

"Oh, hell," Daniel said. "We're both guys. We could probably do this in, what, five, ten minutes tops?"

"Give us twenty minutes. We might have to work out a few logistical problems."

At which statement Daniel _really_ flushed and started to look nervous. John did not laugh vindictively.

As he talked his team through their objections, he and Daniel started inching toward each other. By the time he had to flat out make it an order and Rodney, Ronon and Teyla gave in and left, they were hovering at the edge of each others' personal space.

They were finally alone; there was impending doom; John figured he might as well bite the bullet.

He reached out and hooked his hand in Daniel's waistband, tugging him forward and starting on his belt. He kept his eyes on his hands, though. He felt Daniel take a shuddering breath.

"Ooookay. So we're actually doing this, then."

"Yup," which was as far as John got, because Daniel stepped in closer and slid a hand uncertainly around John's hip, trailing his fingertips down his ass. John was so startled that he flinched away, which meant he thrust his hips forward, and. Awkward. But hot. But _awkward_.

"It might," he said, a little breathlessly. "It might help if you kiss me again."

He had Daniel's belt unfastened and the top buttons undone; however, he was having difficulties taking the next logical step. But then Daniel kissed him, and it did help.

John worked his hand deeper beneath Daniel's waistband and Daniel gasped, breaking the kiss. He leaned into John, making a soft, needy sound, and mumbled into John's shoulder, "If this doesn't work, I'm going to spend the last half hour of my life really, really embarrassed."

It worked. Wow, did it work.

*

Alien landscape made them do it

 

Daniel's boot dug into John's neck.

"Ow, Daniel," he said. "OW."

"Sorry, sorry, let me just --"

A bit more shifting and twisting, an accidental stomp on John's fingers, and Daniel's weight was finally off John's shoulders.

"Okay," Daniel panted. "Come on up."

'Up' in this case was relative. Where they needed to be was about thirty feet above their heads on the riverbank. What they could manage, however, was up out of the waterlogged roots of the giant mushroom tree things where they had fallen.

Daniel had gotten himself up into the crook of one curving trunk, bracing his feet against another trunk tucked in tightly close by. The roots and trunks of the mushroom trees were smooth and slimy and impossible to get a purchase on, so John grabbed hold of Daniel's leg and vest front and hauled himself up that way.

Cameron Mitchell's voice floated down from the mushroom tree tops. "You guys still okay down there?"

It would have been nice if they could have pulled off the Mitchell-Jackson joint Atlantis visit without the usual comedy of errors, but John knew that would have been asking too much. Nobody had died yet, at least, or been abducted or horribly wounded. That was something.

"Oh, sure," Daniel called back. "Just enjoying the local flora -- nngh!"

"Oh crap, sorry, my bad." John cringed sympathetically and moved his knee. Unfortunately, there really wasn't anywhere for John to go once he was up; it was pretty much straddle Daniel's lap or slide back down into the roots.

While he got himself situated, being more careful where he put his knees this time, Daniel called up to Mitchell,

"What about you guys? Anybody come up with some rope, or a puddlejumper from Atlantis, or anything yet? Hopefully?"

"Nope. But the Hulin are here. This gal Sesh, she's the one we were supposed to meet -- she says we should never try to cross the riverbed, even if the bridge is out, because the riverbed isn't actually solid ground."

John snorted. "Yeah, tell her thanks for the warning."

Mitchell chuckled as Teyla shouted down over him,

"Sesh has sent people back to her settlement for rope and assistance. We will have you both out soon."

John finally got settled. He was squashed right up in Daniel's lap, but he managed to twist a little and lean back, propping his elbow on the same trunk Daniel was using as a footrest so that they at least had a little space between their upper bodies.

They sat like that for a while. There was a little small talk -- things like "Cozy." "Not really." and "What's that smell?" "Us, unfortunately. We're wearing the swamp, remember?" -- but the silence under the canopy was oppressive. Sunlight filtered down onto them through the hole they'd broken through in one of the mushroom-cap-like treetops but the trunks and roots were so dense, and the other treetops overlapped so completely above them, that everything around them was still and dark.

John blew out a breath. He was bored; worse than that, he was pressed up against Daniel in a very suggestive way and that was becoming harder to ignore the longer he went without something else to distract him. "What the hell is taking them so long?"

Daniel turned his wrist without letting go of the mushroom tree and checked his watch. "It's only been about ten minutes."

"Seriously? Geez."

The thing was, the first time it had just been a kiss; and then last time, pretty much mostly just a mutual hands-on thing. That had been more than enough to fuel John's very active fantasy life up until now; but there was something about sitting like this, legs spread, thighs gripping Daniel's firm torso, crotch wide open...it was just. Bad. Bad thoughts. Bad physical reactions. The other times hadn't even been his fault but he was starting to feel like a creepy stalker now anyway.

He braced himself more firmly on the trunk behind him and tried to surreptitiously shift back a little, take some of his weight off Daniel's lap. Then his ass brushed against something and he froze.

It could have been part of the trunk. Like, a knobbly thing sticking up that he hadn't noticed earlier...

Daniel was staring fixedly up at the patch of blue sky above them; he cleared his throat. "Sorry. I'm...I'm having some issues...uh."

...or not.

John stifled a potentially hysterical laugh and held very still. "You too, huh?"

Daniel glanced at him, and then down, to where John's cock was obviously straining the front of his pants, too.

John was about to apologize, but then Daniel met his eyes, and it occurred to John that he might not have been the only one doing some fantasizing in the last few months since the thing at the Ancient sex therapy facility.

Shoving away from the trunk behind him John let all of his weight settle again into Daniel's lap. He cupped Daniel's face in his hands and ducked down for a kiss. Daniel was ready for him, lips parting in a sigh.

Daniel couldn't move to reciprocate, what with clinging to the mushroom trees to keep them from falling again, so it was awkward and uncomfortable and entirely one-sided. It was also fully clothed and damp and a little desperate.

But on the other hand, it wasn't public, or done under threat of death, and there was no question that they both wanted it.

It wasn't bad at all.

*

Alien sex drugs made them do it

 

John and his entire team finally got to go to Earth together. They weren't kicked off Atlantis, there was no Wraith incursion at the SGC; there were just meetings and medals and things. The second night there Rodney took Keller out to dinner, Sam Carter took Teyla shopping, and Daniel, Mitchell and Teal'c took John and Ronon bar hopping.

It was a lot of fun, until a bunch of guys tackled John in a parking lot, shot him up with something that burned in his veins, and tried to toss him into a van.

The next thing he knew two of the guys were flat on the ground, brained with a tire iron, and Daniel was dragging him to his feet.

Blasts from an energy weapon crackled over their heads, narrowly missing them as they ran through the mostly empty parking lot. The bad guys were between them and the bar, so they headed toward the road.

The bar was outside of town, in the foothills, and the road was a two-lane highway lined with trees. They didn't go far down the road; whatever had been in that needle took effect fast and John was having trouble staying upright.

"Here," Daniel hissed, and pulled him off the road into a deep culvert. A drainage pipe ran under the road, just big enough for them to crawl into. Daniel herded John in first and then followed.

Once inside, John curled up and jammed his forehead against his knees, biting his lip to stifle a groan. His stomach roiled, his skin burned, and his muscles shuddered. He felt Daniel groping for him in the darkness.

"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

John panted through gritted teeth. "Injected me with something."

"Oh," Daniel muttered, so softly John could barely hear him. "Not good."

"Who --" John ground out. "Who?"

Daniel's hand suddenly tightened on John's shoulder. Then John heard it too -- footsteps on the road above them. A flash of light illuminated the weeds in the culvert outside the pipe, and moved on. John celebrated the near miss by toppling onto his side and trying not to throw up.

The fire in his stomach was uncoiling, losing its edge and turning into something heavier, thicker. The sensation swelled and rippled through him. It made his skin tingle and his eyes water, but it didn't hurt. Not _hurt_, not exactly.

"John," Daniel whispered. He'd been saying that over and over, John realized, and shaking John's leg. "John, you need to answer me. _John_."

"Daniel," John gasped. Oh fuck. It didn't hurt, but he was definitely going to die.

Daniel squeezed carefully up over John's legs, fumbling for John's wrist, brushing his fingers over the pulse point. John shuddered, tried not to cry out; he didn't know what was worse, the weight of Daniel pinning his legs down or the gentle hand curled around his wrist.

"What does it feel like?" Daniel said.

John couldn't answer. He thumped his head against the corrugated metal, even though it was loud, even though Daniel shushed him frantically and had to squirm up on top of him to grab his head and hold him still. He was going to fucking die.

"Feels like," he managed. "I need," but that came out a sob so he cut himself off and stuffed his knuckle into his mouth and bit down as hard as he could. Because what he needed, what he needed or he was going to freaking die, was to fuck, or get fucked, or sucked, used, wrung out, jacked off, _something_, Christ on a fucking bicycle --

He couldn't help it. Daniel was stretched out on him, warm, he smelled so good, and all John could think about was the way Daniel kissed him like he was memorizing his mouth, and touched him like he was made of silk, made of satin, made of need; and the sounds Daniel made when John touched him back --

"Oh," Daniel breathed. "Oh hell."

He rolled off John a little, as much as the tight space allowed, and John tried to hold still, tried not to thrust his hips toward the departing warmth.

"It's a drug," Daniel was saying. "It's -- I'm not surprised the Trust has it. It's a synthetic based off a hormone Goa'uld queens secrete, but...eviler."

John shook his head; drugged, he got that, totally on the same page there. But -- "You have to go." He shoved at Daniel with a shaking hand. "Get help."

"I can't leave you here, not like this." But he was shimmying down the pipe anyway, which was good because if he didn't leave John was going to start begging and that would be --

"They'll have to come back this way to get their van, and if you're down here alone and you make a noise..."

Daniel had stopped and his hands were stroking down John's belly, finding the button on his blue jeans, tugging on the zipper.

Heaving up, banging his head on the ceiling of the pipe, John frantically tried to push Daniel away.

"No, don't do that, you don't have to do that," but oh he really did want Daniel to do that.

"You'll be a screaming, gibbering mess if I don't," Daniel said calmly. "So, yes I do."

Collapsing onto his back again John bunched the front of his t-shirt and yanked it up, shoving the fabric into his mouth, and tried not to die.

*

It worked like a charm. Once he was spent the fire under his skin faded, the pain vanished. He no longer felt like he was going to die.

That didn't mean he still didn't want to, though.

It took him a bit to come down entirely, to get to a point where he could think straight. Daniel had very considerately done his pants back up after, and hadn't said anything when John just curled up and didn't speak for a while.

But eventually John knew he would have to say something. After all, the guy had...

John pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars. He didn't even want to think about it. It was just. A fucking nightmare. He felt sick.

When his head was clear, he took a few deep breaths and uncurled. He eased as quietly as possible down the pipe to where Daniel was sitting a few feet from the entrance.

"I think I heard them walk over us again a while ago," Daniel whispered. "But we should probably stay put for a bit just in case."

John nodded, and then realized Daniel couldn't see him in the dark. "Okay." Hesitated. "So, um. Thank you. For, for what you did."

He saw Daniel's outline shrug. "Not a problem."

It _was_ a problem, but anything John wanted to say about it was getting stuck in his throat. So he slouched against the side of the pipe across from Daniel and didn't say anything.

After a while John heard shouting in the distance -- Ronon's voice, calling his name; Teal'c shouting for Daniel.

John cleared his throat and said, "Cavalry."

"Yep."

John got his knees beneath him and got ready to get the hell out of the pipe, but Daniel stopped him.

"Hey. I'm sorry." Daniel found John's arm in the darkness and gripped it gently. "But, if it helps -- if it hadn't been you, I wouldn't have done that. Not like that, anyway."

It was a little like a sucker punch, in that it left John catching his breath and momentarily light-headed. He closed his eyes and didn't know what to think.

Daniel didn't wait for a response; he squeezed John's arm and crawled out of the pipe. After a moment, John followed.

*

Nobody made them do it

 

Eventually General O'Neill ran out of things to distract Daniel with and the SGC got tired of arguing about it, and Daniel's request to transfer to Atlantis was finally approved.

John and Daniel hadn't stumbled into any more compromising situations since the Trust had tried to abduct John in Colorado, but things had been okay between them. In terms of a long distance working relationship things had been okay, anyway. And John was certain that things would be fine with Daniel around all the time on Atlantis, too. After all, as a permanent fixture, Daniel would be assigned to someone else's team rather than tagging along with John's.

Not to mention, their entire relationship, such as it was, was built on pretty flimsy stuff -- accidents and testosterone, basically. John figured that thrown together on a day to day basis, they probably wouldn't even get along.

The weird thing, though? They did get along pretty well, actually.

Daniel liked to spar, spend time in the firing range, and didn't mind sitting through the occasional football game. And when he got talking about the things he loved -- history, people, the mysteries of humanity and of beings out in the stars -- half the time John got lost, half the time he found it fascinating. But without fail he discovered he loved listening to Daniel talk.

And if every now and then John thought about doing other things with Daniel than just talking, well.

Anyway. They got along pretty well.

A few months into Daniel's residence on Atlantis they were in John's room drinking beer and making their way through a James Bond marathon. Midnight had come and gone and Ronon had already bailed, which was too bad because Grace Jones was throttling someone with her thighs and Ronon loved that part.

"That thing," Daniel started, then hesitated.

"What thing?" John asked.

Daniel shifted in his seat, turning the bottle in his hands. "That thing. In the drainpipe. Did that..."

John felt himself go still, so he shook himself and took a long drink of his beer. "Did it what?"

Daniel seemed to be holding his breath; but instead of saying whatever he'd been about to say he just blew the breath out. "Nothing. I was just thinking. That this is nice." He waved a hand in the general direction of John's entire room. "Here, I mean."

Then he cleared his throat and took a drink of his own beer.

"Yeah," John said. "It's nice." That thing in the drainpipe. He had thought about that, a lot. Mainly because he couldn't decide what to believe: his gut-deep feeling that it had all been completely humiliating and wrong, or what Daniel had said, which had implied that it was actually, on some level, in some way, all right.

"You know what's funny?" he said suddenly. "We never actually did it in a bed."

Daniel stared at him. His expression was almost unreadable.

Almost.

John ticked off on his fingers: "In the middle of an orgy, in a dusty empty room about to be obliterated by a volcano, sitting in a tree, in a drainpipe." He wiggled his fingers. "All of which were just --"

"Awkward," Daniel said. "Among other things."

"Yeah."

"We could try it in a bed."

"We could."

As it turned out, Daniel in a bed was amazing.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings note: The 'alien sex drugs' incident contains elements of dubious consent.
> 
> Thanks to [](http://ltlj.livejournal.com/profile)[**ltlj**](http://ltlj.livejournal.com/) for the 'room that won't let them out until they have sex' idea. Also, title credit to Napoleon, who said "There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed."


End file.
